
You know you're old when...
*People talking on their cellphones in a book store make you feel homicidal.
*People outside the store who crank up the volume on their cellphone so their friends (and everyone within a fifty foot radius) can hear what's being said make your brain smoke.
*You find yourself wondering why nobody has any manners.
*You hear a girl say to her boyfriend, "...and I was, like, AWESOME! And she was, like, TOTALLY!" and you think that perhaps our species has outlasted its usefulness.
*You almost weep with gratitude when a little girl says, "Excuse me", when she bumps into you.
*You watch people eating burgers and fries at the president's favorite burger chain and you are reminded of nothing so much as cows chewing cud in a field, which makes you depressed on many levels.
*Between the grease on the bag of fries, the sheer weight of the calorie count of the meal and the knowledge that the beef came from factory farms which are not only inhumane but incredibly filthy and disease ridden, you suddenly see the scene as everyone, including yourself, chewing poison and dropping dead. And seeing the joyless expressions on the faces around you, it doesn't seem like such a tragedy.
You know you're old when...
*You can remember when going shopping was a big event that happened twice a year: right before school began and right before Christmas. And it was fun.
*You can remember driving an hour to go shopping at the first indoor mall in your area.
*You remember when your pharmacist owned his own business.
*You remember doctors making house calls.
*You are surprised when a box of cookies costs five dollars.
*You are disappointed that the cars of the future you dreamed of actually all ended up looking like rounded-off boxes.
You know you're old when...
*You're saddened by the concept of 'hookups'.
*You realize you don't know most current musical artists and you used to know every single one and all the words to their songs. Worse yet, when you hear most popular music, you don't want to know it.
*The parallels between the Roman Empire and modern society strike you as just a little ominous.
*You find yourself mistrusting the motives of anyone with power.
*You think maybe you're in the wrong country, then realize you're probably just in the wrong century.
Man. My guy is right. I shouldn't be allowed beyond the mailbox anymore.







