Friday, November 20, 2009

You Know You're Old When....

You know you're old when...

*People talking on their cellphones in a book store make you feel homicidal.

*People outside the store who crank up the volume on their cellphone so their friends (and everyone within a fifty foot radius) can hear what's being said make your brain smoke.

*You find yourself wondering why nobody has any manners.

*You hear a girl say to her boyfriend, "...and I was, like, AWESOME! And she was, like, TOTALLY!" and you think that perhaps our species has outlasted its usefulness.

*You almost weep with gratitude when a little girl says, "Excuse me", when she bumps into you.

*You watch people eating burgers and fries at the president's favorite burger chain and you are reminded of nothing so much as cows chewing cud in a field, which makes you depressed on many levels.

*Between the grease on the bag of fries, the sheer weight of the calorie count of the meal and the knowledge that the beef came from factory farms which are not only inhumane but incredibly filthy and disease ridden, you suddenly see the scene as everyone, including yourself, chewing poison and dropping dead. And seeing the joyless expressions on the faces around you, it doesn't seem like such a tragedy.

You know you're old when...

*You can remember when going shopping was a big event that happened twice a year: right before school began and right before Christmas. And it was fun.

*You can remember driving an hour to go shopping at the first indoor mall in your area.

*You remember when your pharmacist owned his own business.

*You remember doctors making house calls.

*You are surprised when a box of cookies costs five dollars.

*You are disappointed that the cars of the future you dreamed of actually all ended up looking like rounded-off boxes.

You know you're old when...

*You're saddened by the concept of 'hookups'.

*You realize you don't know most current musical artists and you used to know every single one and all the words to their songs. Worse yet, when you hear most popular music, you don't want to know it.

*The parallels between the Roman Empire and modern society strike you as just a little ominous.

*You find yourself mistrusting the motives of anyone with power.

*You think maybe you're in the wrong country, then realize you're probably just in the wrong century.

Man. My guy is right. I shouldn't be allowed beyond the mailbox anymore.


JamaGenie said...

One more 'you know you're old when':
You still wait for a dial tone before punching in your friend's number on a cell phone. Somebody else's cell phone, that is, because you don't own one and can't think of a *good* reason to get one except to have in your car for emergencies.

Yes, the parallels between the Roman Empire and present "civilization" *are* becoming more apparent everyday.

The good news is cell phones are small enough now that you *could* shove it down the throat of the next airhead whose entire vocabulary consists of "like" and "totally". ;D

Pauline said...

I found my head nodding at ALL of these - hellfire, and I was doing so well at avoiding knowing I was getting older...

I wonder if we are actually living in some sort of "end time" or just longing for our own time when we were young and the whole of life stretched out before us?

Me, I'm looking for a deserted island after retirement...

Susan said...

You've both made me feel immensely better. I was beginning to wonder if it was age or something scarier - like becoming either totally anti-social or some angry version of agoraphobic.

The 2012 stuff just doesn't seem that outlandish when you look around, does it?

Pauline said...

2012, end times, whatever it takes. I think it's time to throw the baby out with the bathwater and get a new baby. ;)

pinkpackrat said...

Hi Susan. May another golden oldie chime in? I'm right there with you on all of it and would, like Jama, add one more. To wit:

You know you're old when the toys you played with as a child are being sold at the local antique store-- and collectors are fighting over them.

and I especially agree with you about the sadness of the concept of hookups.

Thanks for another wonderful read