Friday, April 15, 2011

I want to be a writer, she said....

It feels like a gray morning by the sea lately...I can't see very far ahead and instead of seeing what's around me, I'm preoccupied by the fact that I'm uncomfortable.

Changes are ahead, that I know for certain. Our home base will be changing. We have unanswered questions about how we'll accommodate our unique and particular work needs to the new space. My life in the 9 to 5 world continues to change and I cannot see where it's going.

All the lifestyle coaches tell us we can't get where we want to go if we don't name the destination. I want to write. Full time.

I've got a book out in the electronic world, a book I haven't got time or energy to promote, which is akin to leaving a birthday cake out in the street. Chances are it's not going to be appreciated if it isn't delivered to the right people.

I've become "the writer" at my place of work, which means I'm often editing other people's work. And I don't mind - it feels like at least an imitation of what I'd like to be doing. I write articles and columns for a couple of websites and publications. That's not bad, either.

But I'm losing energy for things I usually enjoy - some work that's usually a joy has become a chore. I circle around writing that is fun like a suspicious dog...sniffing but keeping my distance.

It's a spell, I know. It will pass, as these moods do, and a new feeling will take its place. But I read too many fairy tales as a child. I'm waiting for my own personal fairy to appear, tap me on the shoulder with her twinkling silver wand, and poof! I'm living happily ever after. Somehow after all these years, part of me still thinks that should happen.


Laurie said...

Here's hoping the clouds part and fog burns away quickly and your destination becomes clear. :-)

Reya Mellicker said...

Well ... yes your mood will pass, but this period of time when all of us are being asked to reinvent ourselves personally and collectively, and when nothing is for certain ... this period of time will continue, off and on, until 2017, or so say the astrologers I really trust. By then we'll be used to rolling with the punches, we'll know well the truth that you never know what's going to happen next.

One thing I do know is: you will prevail. You will. How that happens, no one can see, but you will figure it out. Believe me.

Susan said...

Wow - that is a pretty depressed post, isn't it. Thanks for the support and Reya, 2017 is a long damned way off! I guess we have to get comfortable with being uncomfortable.