#MeToo

I've been sitting on these stories for a long time. Too long. Even #metoo didn't get me to publish this, though I wrote it down. 

My outrage has been growing, and, as for many women, so has my conviction that I have to tell my own story. People need to understand how powerless women feel, how confused, how humiliated and how demeaned.

I'm not going to name names. It was a long time ago and nothing will be gained by destroying their reputations at this late date.  I've heard no hints of anything for many years. 

But I haven't forgotten.

The first one was my boyfriend for three long years. He had a reputation, I heard, but no one wanted to spell it out for me. 

I found out the first time he kicked me. He was upset with me and as we walked down the sidewalk I suddenly was thrown forward by the force of a kick to my behind.

I was shocked into inaction. I got into the car with him, and then, as the full meaning of what had just happened hit me, I demanded that he stop. I wanted out. He ignored me and took me home. I got out of the car and went into my house determined to never see him again. He roared off, his tires squealing up the city street.

Hours later, he showed up outside my window, apologizing, smoothing it over, cajoling. 

I kept dating him. Of course, now I wonder what the hell I was thinking. But I was young. I was crazy about him. And crazy is the operative word here, because I had to be to stay with him as time went on.

He had too much to drink one night and slapped me as I drove him home. I didn't throw him out of the car. I wanted to. I should have.

Finally, there was the day we went biking together. As we pedaled along the bike path, he pushed me over. I fell onto the pavement, knee bleeding, head spinning, palms full of gravel. In a flash he was on the ground, cradling me in his arms, apologizing over and over and over.

We went to his mother's house that afternoon.

She peered at me, at the bandages. "He pushed you, didn't he?" she asked.

I denied it. But she knew.

I still didn't break up with him. And of course, I never told my parents what the man I loved had done. But it was the start of the end. I knew I could never marry him, could never trust him with children. He was violent. I loved him. But that was my problem. I couldn't make him anyone else's problem.

After I broke up with him he stalked me. He'd leave notes on my car. 

"I love you. I could have smashed your windshield but I didn't."

He banged on my door. Then he banged on my new boyfriend's door. He stood outside on the street under my apartment, just standing there. I sat in the dark under the windowsill, crying.

I moved. A lot. And he always found me. It was scary at first, but after a while it was just sad and kind of funny. The last time I moved and he found me, I opened the door, let him in and showed him around my latest apartment. 

We both knew it was over. The stalking ended. 

But work also presented challengers for a young woman in a male-dominated industry. Particularly a very sheltered, immature and naive young woman.

I was a television news broadcaster. There was a cameraman who turned every single comment by me or anyone else into a sexual innuendo. There was another who didn't like to work with women.

During those early days with Violent Guy, I worked with an older man who was my mentor - and someone I absolutely adored. People thought there was something more going on, but there wasn't, at least for me. The inappropriate comments, the innuendo, it was all part of a friendship with him.  It finally escalated to a full-scale proposition, which I turned down. He moved on and I, child that I was, was actually surprised. I suppose he thought I was leading him on. 

And years later I learned that my mentor was downright cruel to a woman who he didn't find attractive. He demeaned her, discouraged her, and, in short, treated her completely differently than he treated me, as well as other women he liked the look of.

There was a lot of bad behavior in the workplace toward women in the 80s. But it wasn't confined to those days. 

In the early 2000s I found myself working as executive level staff at a large organization. I had a boss who informed me he wouldn't have hired me had it been his choice - I was "too old."  I was ten years younger than he was. He questioned everything I did, even when I was following instructions from the person who was HIS boss, and responded with panic to every workplace call I made without his input, convinced it was going to cause a "huge" issue. Somehow, it never did. But he led me to question my own judgement, and eventually made me so miserable that I quit.

The New World Disorder

Try as I may, it is nearly impossible to keep up with the sheer volume of dung being flung in every direction from the White House and Congress.

American has reaped what we have been quietly sowing. Capitalism has destroyed the republic.

The rich are in charge and they are going to ram policies down our throats which will destroy us, while whispering soothing assurances that this will make everything better. They'll distract the gullible with divisive rhetoric about minorities, immigrants, anyone who is different.

There are still some people, apparently, who buy it all and swallow.

That's a billboard in Russia. Think Vladimir is happy? You bet.

What I've been looking for is the pattern. What the hell happened and how? Sure, I read all the conspiracy theorists (or at least the sanest-sounding among them) and I am convinced about the Russia connection. But how? For what?

Today's news that the UK's Nigel Farage is a "person of interest" in the FBI's investigation into Russian interference in the US election is finally showing the bigger picture. Farage, if you don't know, is one of the architects of Brexit. He and his big mouth pal Boris Johnson convinced a country they'd be better off without the European Union without offering a single explanation of how it could work and why it would be better. But, like us, the Brits bought it. They thought it meant isolating themselves from the refugees of the world, strengthening their economy and their future. They thought it meant national pride. It's not looking like any of that is true. It never did.

And who did Trump's dirty-work pal Roger Stone use as an intro to Russia? Nigel Farage.

The door was opened, the welcome mat dusted off, and Russia infiltrated social media just as Trump asked them to. And he won.

Who benefits? Putin. Every time. Putin. He's thrown the EU into confusion, isolated Britain, and helped put in a puppet who cozies up to whoever offers him the most money and ego-stroking.

Trumpuppet was very happy in the Middle East. They treated him like a powerful man. He was very unhappy with EU leaders. They treated him like the bully he is.

He throws out threats to back out of the Paris Climate Accord. He hints he's giving Russian back their camps in the US. He distracts and he lies and all his toadies do the same. There is not a member of his administration who appears to be clean.

The Congressional leaders who support him are as covered in Russian influence as he is.

So who stops this? Who adds it all up, declares this country has been taken over by a hostile government, and slams the door shut? The Democrats? They helped create Trump as surely as Putin did. Until they grow up and remember their principles, they've got nothing.

Ted Lieu, Chris Murphy, Kirsten Gillibrand, step up. We need you. Take the lead.

If you don't know it yet, be aware other countries are slamming their doors on us now. Try to cross the Canadian border. You'll find they're being a whole lot more strict than they ever were before.

We are alone with this. It's our house. We have to clean it.

The question is how?

Trumplandia

I've gone through all the stages of grief since the election except one: acceptance. Nope. Not doing that. I do not accept that this is "normal."

I do not accept that the Toddler In Chief has a sustainable presidency.

I do not accept that my tax dollars pay for him to shoot off his mouth, ignore briefings, spout hate, issue random orders, pander to his fans, then take off to Florida to play golf.

There is no such thing as "alternative facts" - those are lies.

Spin is also a way of lying.

Alt-right is a revisionist word for fascism and white supremacy.

Bullying is bullying.

Stupidity is stupidity.

Cluelessness, intolerance, slogans with no substance...you get the picture.

I'm done trying to understand people who support this dangerous buffoon. He has shown his hand, then doubled down on it, and if they still think he's okay, then I'm not okay with them.

I'm not okay with his circle of advisors, the apologists for hate, the fear-mongers.

I'm not okay with a lazy press, and if CNN tries to tell me there is a "Southern White House" one more time I may lose my mind. There isn't. Trump has a vacation house that is now an amazing investment in Florida, and he's making us pay for his weekly trips there.

If (perhaps I should say 'when') he's ousted, we get Pence. He is a policy nightmare and used the dreaded Obamacare (thanks, media, for running with that term and confusing the masses who thought the ACA was something different) to solve the disaster he created in Indiana.

At least he doesn't appear to be emotionally unhinged.

Sad to think that's an improvement. But it is.

Don't think I'm letting the Democrats off the hook. The DNC gave us this mess. Clinton gave us this mess. They refused to believe their version of status quo was going to lose the election. They STILL refuse to believe it, and rumors that Chelsea Clinton might run for office makes me want to lose my lunch.

The Run For Something movement, the Resist Movement, the Indivisible movement, the Brand New Congress movement, these give me some hope. Not much, admittedly, until they all band together...but I have hopes they will.

Bernie Sanders is a light in the dark right now, and I am grateful for his consistency. He speaks out. He calls a lie a lie.

Connecticut's Chris Murphy has been fearless in his opposition to Trump's agenda.
We need more of that.

 Congressional Democrats seem to be beginning to see the way the wind is blowing. They need to fight back harder. They don't have the luxury of getting tired. They wanted the job: now they need to do it.

The GOP is hoping that the opposition will blow itself out. I'm hoping they're wrong.
We are tired already. But if we rest, we lose.

We've won every skirmish when we stood strong against this pitiful president and his agenda of greed and hate.

If Trump's fans want to call us snowflakes, that's just fine.

This is a blizzard.

Jane

The 2016 American election has proven we need to have a conversation. We need to hear each others' concerns and try to bridge the massive divide that has been created here. Join the conversation. Introduce yourself at everydaypeopleproject2016@gmail.com.

I am Jane, a 56 year old woman. I was born in the mid-west and grew up in New England. I live on the East Coast.

I am ever single, with no children of my own, but cherish my roles as “other mother” for a young adult living in Brooklyn, third parent for a teenage boy, and "aunt" for a six year old girl.

I was born of privilege – white, Catholic, educated parents, who had sufficient finances for full time nanny/maid services to support raising seven offspring while they both enjoyed professional careers – lawyer and nurse.

It didn't last.

I grew up in chaos. My father died when I was three, my mother remarried, offering an eighth sibling.  We moved to a community property state, which yielded a full loss of wealth with the divorce from my abusive step-father. 

I was raised by a working single mother in financial circumstances vastly different than those I was born. We lived in small towns that were largely conservative and struggling economically. We had the basics covered, yet not much to spare for major expenditures, vacations, etc.

I have worked since I was 15, providing for myself, including my college education. 

I did not own a car until I was 30. 

I lived through the loss of all personal belongings in a fire when I was 33 and rebuilt my life. I was supremely fortunate to have a friend who took me in. During that time, I was without a job (laid off days before the fire) and a place to live, understanding that I was inches away from being homeless. 

At 33, I had employer paid health insurance for the first time in my life. I also began contributing to a retirement account. I made less than $30k a year until I was 38. Since that time, I have contributed 15% of my earnings to some mode of 401k/IRA. 

I paid off my student loans and credit card debts without declaring bankruptcy.  

The year I turned 40, I understood that I had emerged from survival mode to a basic level of financial security – meaning I did not live pay check to pay check in fear for the loss of my job, I was able to pay my bills and I had a savings account. I made a conscious decision to remain free of consumer debt  and maintain a standard of living on par with the median income which has informed nearly all financial decisions since. 

I bought my first home in my 40’s. It was not one of those crazy mortgage deals.

Due to hard work and opportunity, I have done well professionally, working as an independent contractor for a number of years (paying out of pocket for health insurance) and now working for a Fortune 500 company. 

I somehow avoided layoff during a series of work force reductions, but lived for several years in peril of losing my job. I have felt more secure in recent years since gaining enough personal savings to cover 6+ months without work. 

Politically, I am an odd mix which crisscrosses party lines. I have considered myself a democratic socialist since college in Burlington VT, influenced by my education in political science and the elected mayor, Bernie Sanders. 

I am fiscally conservative, largely stemming from personal necessity/practice, where I firmly believe it is best to spend wisely and not live beyond one’s means, making me far more akin to traditional conservatives than liberals. 

And, I am socially progressive, with a few blind spots where I could learn and understand more. 

I am a staunch advocate for the separation of church and state, believing religious values must be held sacred apart from government. 

I am starting to feel the same about separation of (big) business and government.

My social construct is influenced greatly by John Rawles’ Theory of Justice. I believe all citizens of a civilized society should be provided a social safety net, ensuring basic necessities such as food, shelter, clothing and health care, as well as education and opportunity for meaningful employment. I don’t think we should be discussing whether or not to do this, I think we should be well past that and figuring out how it is done. 

I believe that all citizens should contribute to this system and those at the top should enjoy no more wealth/income than is sustainable while fully ensuring the social safety net for those at the bottom. This system is to cover all citizens irrespective of ability, ethnicity, religion or creed. 

I believe it is perfectly reasonable to expect public service in exchange for public assistance. I believe some mode of public service should be a requirement for all citizens, whether part of the military, government, social welfare program, etc. at some point in their lives. 

I believe everyone should be allowed to retire from paid work WITH a pension and healthcare after a reasonable number of years. That is the framework.

In some ways, I am representative of middle America, despite living a very different existence. I have worked hard all my life. I have lived through hardship, paid my bills, lived within my means and saved for retirement. I have paid my taxes and not relied on government “handouts”, aside from 3 months of unemployment, in nearly 40 years of working. 

I paid into a system for Social Security all of my working life, it has been pushed out 7 years and it remains in jeopardy, depending on the source, of bankruptcy, defunding, privatization. 

I paid into my own retirement account, that I am not allow to touch without penalty until my 70s, also pushed out,  where I have watched my hard earned money/savings disappear, while we give bailouts to Wall Street where folks make more in a year than I will see in my life time. 

I have done everything right – arguably better than most. AND, I am at the mercy of a system where I pay, behave like a good citizen, but have no say and no sense of guarantee or security. I will not be able to retire until my early 70’s if I want to avoid living in poverty. That is 50 years of work!

I don’t have a problem with public assistance for those in need, although I suspect our current welfare system would benefit from a financial and policy overhaul. 

My pet issue is retirement and pensions. Public sector employees get to retire after around 30 years, some sooner, fully pensioned with health benefits. I don’t begrudge them this benefit, I resent that I do not get to enjoy the same. 

This is a great inequity, but with most public sector folks this is an entitlement they have earned, while they fail to acknowledge that others in different circumstances might deserve the same. 

I find this particularly vexing with regards to our US elected officials, many whose wealth and income far exceeds mine – in part due to corporate connections after working as an elected official. There is no wealth/income eligibility check on this. Ex. Why should billionaires Bill and Hillary Clinton receive government checks from tax payer dollars? AND many of PS workers who retire return as contractors, receiving both a pension and a paycheck. This is one example of where we need a more balance/checks on government spending and citizen safety nets. 

I view our political system as corrupt – run by corporations, elected officials who are beholden to them, and career politicians who are more concerned about re-election than they are about policy. 

I believe the American people have been forgotten. Politics has obscured issues and outcomes. 

I want term limits. I want government to return to service of the people. 

I want single issue bills where citizens understand what is being voted on and can hold their elected officials accountable. 

I want publicly funded elections that are about the issues and not advancing a particular political party platforms or corporate agendas. 

I want a brand new political party that erases traditional party lines, seeks to return government to the people, actually addresses the issues Americans are most concerned about, AND that seeks to engage the 46% who did not bother to vote.

And, I want some level of sanity with regards to who and what we legislate. How do we even let legislating public bathrooms become a viable issue, when a crumbling infrastructure is not? 

How many times do we let a body of government vote to repeal AHCA before we say “Uncle”?

 And, at what point can we just say that abortion is decided? 

Funding for ridiculous ventures should not be allowed unless statistically relevant – drug testing for public assistance?! And perhaps folks should first apply for eligibility to run for office with a test that demonstrates knowledge of how government actually functions, of world religions, political systems and geography, and scientific concepts/methods – ex. 

The weather today does not equate to climate and evolution is not a belief, there is empirical data that supports this and it is not a Chinese conspiracy. 

We expect folks to pass a test to become citizens, why would we not want a test for elected officials? Who knew this would ever be such a problem?!

I fear this sounds like a rant. So, I will end with this thought…

I want the notion of government to be rooted in service to our country and its citizens, not an opportunity for wealth, power, or a lucrative career. 

I want folks to get paid, but not profit from service to our country. Can we shift to this paradigm?

I accept the election results, but I strongly protest Trump as being morally unfit to run this country. He has deeply offended me as a woman, possibly sending the country back decades, he has made a mockery out of our democratic process, and he has thwarted the core values we hold as Americans. 

I believe we need to get busy on right action to respond to a Trump presidency and start work on a long range solution to ensure this never happens again.

Sheila

This is an attempt to begin a conversation - to discuss who we are, what we want, in this America that is so deeply and frighteningly divided.
Write to everydaypeopleproject2016@gmail.com and share your story, too.


My name is Sheila.  I’m 48, barreling perilously ever-closer to the half-century mark.  Like Susan, I am an “east coast liberal elite”.  To add insult to that title, I even attended an Ivy League school.  

But I come from “the other side”, too.  I was the first child on my mother’s side to attend four-year college.  Great-grandparents on both sides were immigrants: my father’s maternal grandparents were from Finland; my mother’s maternal grandparents were from Wales.  My mom comes from hard-working people, people who believe that there is no greater responsibility than providing for their families, people who will work two or three jobs if that’s what it takes, people who are too proud to take handouts.  

My parents split up when I was about eight.  My mom had to enter the workforce full-time for the first time since becoming  a homemaker, with just a high-school degree.  She waited tables, worked at a shoe store, and went to community college to get her associate’s degree in criminal justice.  She landed in the Internal Revenue Service and worked her way up to become one of the first female federal agents in the history of the IRS – a gun, handcuffs, the whole works.  

With divorce often comes a degree of economic insecurity, and it was no different with us.  I remember government cheese once or twice, one Christmas party for needier children, but, as I noted before, my mom comes from proud stock and wasn’t interested in handouts.  She also worried about how we would be perceived if we were seen as “poor”.  Though we more than qualified, she never let us apply for the free lunch program at school because she worried my brother and I would be ridiculed.  Our clothes were bought at the Salvation Army Thrift store, and I remember her buying old Izod shirts just so she could take off the alligator and sew them onto my K-Mart polo shirts, just so I would feel like I fit in.  I remember the worry about making the mortgage payment, getting the car fixed, etc.   

So I can understand the economic insecurity facing much of our nation.  The worry about putting food on the table, the worry about whether the bank is coming for the house, how Christmas is coming and your kid believes in Santa, and you have no idea how you’re going to get even a couple of presents under the tree.  I started working on the weekends when I was 14.  There were times when my weekend job and babysitting money made a difference in the household finances, but I know my mother hated to take my money.  

I was laid off three weeks ago, after almost 17 years working in the healthcare division of a tech company.  I consider myself lucky in that I received a generous severance package, and I am eligible for unemployment.  Unlike when I was a child, I don’t worry about my children going hungry, we will not be in danger of losing the house.  I am lucky, privileged, really, but my fellow Americans should be able to say the same.  No one should have to work two or three jobs just to pay the daycare bill and rent.  I believe minimum wage should be a livable wage.  A lost job should not lead into an immediate economic death spiral and no parent should have to make the decision between staying home with a sick child – or sick themselves – and losing a day’s wages, or, worse, losing their job.  We deserve better.  

I was diagnosed with cancer almost five years ago now; I am, again, lucky and privileged.  Privileged that I have excellent and affordable health insurance through my husband’s company and lucky that this cancer was caught at a very early stage.  Surgery is believed to be curative and I am closely followed on a yearly basis.  But if my husband loses his job and Obamacare is repealed, I will become 100% uninsurable in an open marketplace due to this preexisting condition, or if I can get insurance, it will be prohibitively costly and with a great many limitations on the coverage.  If my cancer were to recur or be found to have metastasized, I’d be screwed.   We all deserve high-quality, affordable – I even say free -- healthcare.  No one should lose their home or jeopardize their family’s economic situation because of medical bills.  

I believe in science.  Data is not a matter of opinion.  Yes, we can all come up with examples of where scientists or doctors believed one thing once upon a time and now they denounce that for a new hypothesis, but all of happens because the data, or new data, showed something different.  With the new information came a new hypothesis.  Climate change is not a matter of opinion, it’s science.  I believe we can improve economic prosperity without killing our planet.  

By now, it’s likely no surprise who I voted for; I voted for Hillary, in both the primary and in Tuesday’s election.  But some things might surprise you.  

It might surprise you to know that I have unfriended or blocked no one during this election season.  I sincerely do want to hear everyone’s viewpoint, even if it differs from mine.  I even follow Trump and Palin on Facebook.  

It might surprise you that, despite being a pretty hardcore far-left, bleeding-heart, hippie liberal, I have, in fact, voted Republican before.  I will support whichever candidate I believe will be best at the job.  

It might surprise you that I don’t want to take away your guns.  I, myself, loathe them.  But I grew up with them – my mom and dad both hunted, my mom, as I noted, was a federal agent.  I will never own a gun, but I don’t want to scrap the second amendment.  I do believe that the second amendment is inadequate when taking into account the assault weapons that are out there now, and I do believe we need stricter controls and background checks.  Yes, people hellbent on violence are difficult to stop.  A man killed 19 people and injured 25 in a mass stabbing this past July in Japan.  But if he’d had a gun, the number would have been much higher, and chances are good that he would have had a gun were he in the States.  

It may surprise you that, on Tuesday morning, I implored everyone to vote, and meant it.  While I dreaded a Trump presidency, I would risk my life to ensure that someone could cast their vote for the man, because that’s what I believe our democracy is founded on.  You may also be surprised that I’m not signing the petition to ask the electoral college to throw out Trump in lieu of Clinton; I believe that the people have spoken, and just because I disagree does not mean I want some kind of re-do.  Nor does it mean that I will not accept his presidency.  I will not like him, but I will respect the office.  Indeed, ironically, my husband and I are in a tax bracket that will likely benefit handsomely under his tax plan.  Please note that we didn’t want this.  We believe that we should be paying more, that tax breaks should go to those who truly need them.  

I am an agnostic-bordering-on-heathen, so it may surprise you that I don’t wish to attack your religion or your way of life.  I am pro-choice, because I heard the horror stories of abortions performed before they were legal.  I don’t think I personally could ever decide to have an abortion, but I’m not going to make that choice for anyone else.  I know women who have had abortions; it was never an easy decision and it was never made lightly.  But I fully respect your Christian beliefs and your right to hold them.  I believe everyone deserves the freedom to worship as they desire, in perfect safety, and I will fight for that right.  It may also surprise you to know that I’ve read the Bible cover to cover, many times.  I’ve also read the Talmud, the Koran, the Buddhist Sutras, the Hindu Vedas.  There are universal truths to all of the religions, and far more commonalities than one might believe.  

Now here’s where I need to be heard.  I have twin 9-year-old daughters.  Adopted daughters.  Ethiopian daughters.  Black daughters.  Black, immigrant daughters.  We live in a blue state, but there are pockets of racism everywhere.  I fully expect my daughters to be called the N-word for the first time during this presidency.  I fully expect them to be told they need to go back to Africa, even though they are legal United States citizens via the Child Citizenship Act of 2000.

And it’s not just my kids.  One of my sisters-in-law is black.  One is an immigrant.  My nieces are biracial.  I have gay and lesbian friends.  I know women who have been brutally raped and assaulted.  I have Jewish friends whose kids have been told that they are responsible for killing Jesus.  I have Muslim friends, immigrant friends.  They are all afraid of what a Trump presidency will bring, and I believe that our fear is not misplaced, not hysterical, liberal, crybaby whining.  My grandmother was a recreational therapist for a Jewish nursing home when I was small.  I remember the tattoos on those wrists and the horrors that created them, and I believe that it could all too easily happen again.

I do not believe that every Trump supporter is necessarily racist.  But the Trump presidency will unleash ugliness – is already doing so – and I need to know that people will shine light onto that ugliness should they see or hear of it, every single time.  It is not enough to say “well, I’m not racist, there are just some bad apples everywhere”.  These actions need to be condemned and denounced, as the North Carolina GOP did with the KKK Trump Victory parade that is planned.  Hate needs to be called out every single time.  Everyone needs to be held accountable for human decency.  

I do believe that, as humans, we are more alike than different, and I hold onto that belief.  I believe that we have a great country and are capable of great things, but we are also flawed and capable of horrible things, and it is those things I am fearing right now.  Like everyone who voted for Trump, I want a good job, I want a home, I want medical care if I need it, I want to raise my children, I want to live to see them grown, I want them to have a better life than I had, I want them to be safe, healthy, and educated.   I want them to be free to love who they love.  I want them to have a healthy planet to call home.  

Like our founders wanted, I want “life, liberty and the pursuit of happiness" for myself, my family, my friends, and every American, and I’m fairly sure that’s what you want, too.  

We are all Americans.

This is me. First thing in the morning. No makeup, no coffee, even. I want to put my tired, aging face right out there with no attempt to make it pretty or make you think I'm something other than who and what I am.

Why?

I want you to do the same. I want us to introduce ourselves to each other. Because it appears we don't know each other at all.

You'll consider me a a progressive liberal, or you'll think I'm an East Coast elitist. You'll be partially right, either way, and partially wrong. Black and white doesn't tell the whole story. Never does.

My name is Susan. I'm 59. I live on the East Coast. I grew up here, I went to college here, I worked here, had my two children here, and will probably die here. Not because it's better than anywhere else. It's just where my life happened.

I love the Midwest. It's where my mother grew up and where I went to visit every summer. I loved the flat farmland, the way they talked, the fact that everything they ate tested better than what we had at home. I think that huge expanses of farmland are beautiful in the same way the ocean is beautiful. It cuts us down to size, puts us in perspective.

My dad was an East Coast native and my mom's family wasn't keen on him. Likewise, my dad's family toward my mom.

So I understand that "them and us" thing that rose up and gave us Donald Trump as our next president. I get it.

As an only child, I never felt like I fit anywhere. Maybe that makes me the right person to start this attempt at a conversation. Bear with me. I'll explain.

First,  let me tell you who I am. I used to be a television news anchor and that was a pretty big deal in a pretty small city, but that was a long time ago. I've done radio news. I even worked for an NPR station (and if you don't like liberals that's probably really going to tick you off).

I've also taught high school English, I've worked in a retail store, I've been a secretary - and a very poor one, I must admit. I did a temp accounting job for a big corporation. I've been unemployed. I even got fired once.

These days, I sell real estate. I write. I've got novels the world has never seen. Maybe they never will. I did get my short stories published once. You'll probably never find the book. It's okay. I have written for newspapers and magazines. I love to write.

I was raised Catholic. I left it behind when my mother died. It was a crisis of faith and I lost.

I have two grown children who are the most amazing people on the planet. Really. I believe they are.

I'm divorced. It was a hard, sad time a long time ago and we both share the blame.

I met a nice man and I refuse to get married again. So you might tell me I am living in sin.

I pay more than $500 a month for my insurance with Obamacare, but before that, I had none at all. Real estate doesn't offer benefits.

My son and his girlfriend are getting married soon. I'm hoping it's my year for going to happy weddings - another of my favorite couples plans to get married, too - but it wasn't legal for them to marry until not too long ago.

I believe every human being has the same rights. I don't care what color they are, what gender, who they love, where they live, what or who they worship: humans are humans and as such, they deserve equal respect, equal rights, equal pay for equal work, and equal opportunities.

I supported Bernie Sanders. I wasn't rabid about it, but I believed, and still do, that he was the liberal answer to the "outsider" we were yearning for. I agreed with his platform. I reluctantly voted for Hillary Clinton because I could not vote for Donald Trump. But I wish I had had another choice. She was an insider in a system I believe has failed. And now it's collapsed.

Why not Trump? Here's what I ask you to understand, if you can: I believe what he said on the campaign trail. I believed it when he expressed racist, sexist, homophobic, discriminatory views. I believed it when he encouraged violence.

I do not think he is stupid. Far from it. I think he crafted the perfect expression of what a massive block of angry voters wished they could say, but couldn't.

The fact that he said it, out loud, on the campaign trail for the country's most important job, told me he is irresponsible. He erased that line that, until now, we didn't dare cross. And that has made a few truly angry, truly hate-filled people brave enough to begin expressing their rage at other people.

I'm hearing about gays being beaten, school kids making their black classmates move to the back of the bus, women grabbed. Is it just hysteria? I do not know. But no one ever wants to hear this might be happening. Not here. Not in America.

We are beyond that. Aren't we?

I believe he will support big business and the middle class will continue to suffer. I don't think he'll help the poor. I think he's a bad businessman and I see no evidence he won't be a very, very bad president.

He doesn't care about anything I care about.

Gun violence is an epidemic in this country. I want strict controls on who can have a gun and what kind of gun it can be. My dad was a hunter. He was responsible. But no one needs an assault weapon.

Factory farming scares me on a lot of levels. The food isn't healthy, many farmers have been put out of business. I try to be a vegetarian. My vegan friends will be horrified to learn that sometimes I fail. But mostly I succeed. It's better for the environment, it's better for my health, but more importantly it means a few less animals are tortured and killed just so I can eat.

I worry about the environment. I know the weather has changed and it makes no sense to me that we have no impact on the climate. With all the roads, the cars, the businesses...it just has to be connected. And science is clear that it does.

I believe science when it's conclusive. But I know sometimes scientists make mistakes, too.

I don't think I'm a snob. But I know education is really important, and I think everyone should have access to it. I don't think kids and their parents should go into massive debt to pay for it.

If a student wants to learn a trade instead, I think it's important that those jobs and those opportunities exist. And in many trades, there's the opportunity to open your own business. There should be government programs to help them make that happen, in lieu of support for their college education.

I support what we now call single payer health care. I think good health care should be the right of every citizen.

Maybe that's socialism. So be it, then. That label isn't frightening to me.

My America isn't Trump's America. Trump's America scares me. He's let loose something that may destroy us.

What is frightening is a country that is full of hate. I don't want to be afraid for my children's future. I don't want you to be afraid for your children's future.

We haven't been talking to each other. We don't know each other.

Let's talk. Introduce yourself. Let's make a start. And let's build a political system that listens to us, and responds to our concerns. Because it's a sure bet that we haven't had that. And I think we can agree on that.

Yes, there will likely be some nasty troll comments if this thing catches on. Ignore the noise. Let's try to build up some kind of trust again by getting to know each other.

Write to me at everydaypeopleproject2016@gmail.com and tell me your story. I'll post it here and link to it on FB and Instagram and Twitter. And don't forget we're all Americans.

America is a backward nation.

My daughter was out at a club last night, hosting three young musicians from Scotland who are recording songs at my partner's studio.

I am incredibly lucky we are not in Florida.

Someone else's children died last night, however. Many parents are grieving today. Many partners and friends and siblings are grieving.

When the Scots arrived, they looked at us and said, "The one thing we don't understand about America is the thing with the guns. What is that about?"

http://abcnews.go.com/US/wireStory/florida-nightclub-attack-latest-us-mass-shooting-39791867

We couldn't tell them. What I could tell them is there is a tourist destination in Arizona called Bullets and Burgers. I kid you not. You can pay a fee and shoot any kind of gun your heart desires...and have a hamburger when you're hungry.

These musicians are in university. They go for free and are expected to pay it back in small, affordable increments tied into their income. Their housing is also paid for.

Health care in Scotland, they say, is "amazing."  Not okay, not better than nothing: amazing.

One of them had to go to an American emergency care center in New York City during his last visit. He was appalled.

"It was so primitive," he said. "It wasn't even clean."

I was born in this country and I used to believe the hype - America was leading the world.

Let's stop lying to ourselves.

I listened to a discussion of the presidential campaign on NPR the other day and heard David Gregory, who used to be a network news reporter and now hosts a podcast, dismiss questions about universal health care.

"It's not going to happen," he said. 

He told his guests they should discuss things that are possible.

Free healthcare for all is impossible here. Free higher education is impossible here. Ironclad laws to protect Americans from being slaughtered in school or in a club are impossible.

If that is true, and it may well be, let's admit the truth. America is a backward nation. 

And this election isn't going to change that.

Thoughts On America

The New York Republicans and Democrats have spoken. Their choices? Donald Trump and Hillary Clinton.

My reaction? It is time to admit I do not belong in this country anymore.

I was born here. My parents were born here. One set of grandparents were born here, another were immigrants. All of them were so proud to be American.

I never considered it, honestly. This is my country.  Like everything in this world, it is not perfect and I never expected it to be. But I believed it was based on core values I hold dear - integrity, honesty, compassion, equality. It fell short over and over again, but those were the goals, weren't they?

Apparently I was mistaken.

My fellow Americans are creating a presidential election that will pit a bombastic, intolerant egotist (or an even more frightening religious zealot, should the GOP find a way to stop The Donald) versus the second candidate from a family with dynastic ambitions, millions of dollars made through its influence, and a sense of entitlement as wide as the Grand Canyon.

Donald Trump is clear about what he stands for: business and The Donald. Toss out the immigrants, double down on capitalism, try to bully our citizens and the world and somehow American will be great again. He's the only one who can do it, says he.

Never mind that most people consider America's greatest moments to be in the post-Depression, "let's pull together," government-for-the-people era of FDR. FDR was undoubtedly a Communist in Trump's book. Or at least a "loser."

Trump smacks of fascism and his supporters baffle me. He spouts hate and they call it "telling it like it is." Sometimes it seems as though he wakes up every morning wondering what he could possibly say to get himself disqualified from this race...but nothing seems to work.

I have no idea what Hillary Clinton stands for. Neither does she. She evolves constantly. She was against gay marriage but she's changed her mind. She stands for black Americans. Unless they are super-predators.  She stands for the middle class but single payer health care will "never, ever happen." She stands against Wall Street but she'd rather not show you the content of her paid speeches to them, thanks anyway.

She stands for strong defense and a vigorous offense. She stands for an aggressive, territory-gobbling Israel. She stands for sending troops to "support democracy," particularly if it's an area with resources we want or if it's strategically valuable to us.

Hillary Clinton is the moderate Republican the GOP is looking for. Depending on which Hillary you're considering.

So now you expect, no doubt, some shining prose about Bernie Sanders. You're not going to find it here. He's the best of the lot, in my opinion. But I do not fool myself he is some kind of savior come to create a kinder, gentler America. What I like is that at least he wants to try.

I wanted a candidate who seemed to believe in people. I wanted a candidate who thought government's role is to help its citizens have a decent life. I wanted a candidate who would rather listen and talk then load up a weapon or send out another battalion. I wanted a candidate who didn't consider corporations people and valued people over profits. I wanted a candidate who knew that each of us, every single one of us, is a person and we are all connected.

That sounds like Bernie Sanders.

But our system is so broken, so dysfunctional, and we have been complacent for so long, that I truly doubt he'd be able to make much headway, even with a Congress that agreed to do some work.

I voted for President Obama. Twice. I like him. I know he's part of the same old machine, but I think somewhere inside that intelligent mind there are ideals, and he's done what he can to live up to them where he can. Not everywhere - I know. There have been some horrifying exceptions. But at least, mostly, he tried. The world was so desperate for an intelligent, reasonable, charismatic American president that they dropped a Nobel prize on him even though he hasn't lived up to it. The rest of the world was disappointed with us, and with him. But at least we weren't embarrassed by him.

This time we are offered several embarrassments, an opportunist, and an idealist.

Perhaps Sanders will manage to outrun the Clinton machine. Perhaps he will run a successful third party race. I will vote for him if I can.

But I'm looking for my country if he doesn't win. It's not here. I don't know - maybe it never was.

Donald Drumpf

I've watched the rise of a wealthy, ridiculous yet frightening blowhard with disbelief. And kept waiting for someone, anyone, to point out the screamingly obvious.

Thank you, John Oliver. You came through.

If my Internet would cooperate and let me post it without a link I would  - but view it at this link:

MakeDonaldDrumpfAgain

I wanted to stand up and cheer. Instead I posted it everywhere I could think of.

This isn't a short segment. But every single word is worth hearing, particularly if you're amused by our reality-show presidential candidate. He is not funny. His popularity is a frightening sign of the increasing madness of this country. Perhaps it is too late for us; perhaps we're too far 'round the bend.
But maybe not. Maybe all we need to do is remember that Trump is just a made up name.

The damage he can do, however, is very very real.

So...who's packin'?

It took something absolutely unbelievable to get me back to the blog, but it's happened.

The sheriff of our upstate New York county wrote a Facebook post today encouraging anyone with a valid gun permit who is "comfortable and proficient" with their weapon to carry it with them in public.



I did not make this up.

http://www.kingstonx.com/2015/12/03/sheriff-van-blarcum-asks-licensed-handgun-owners-to-carry-in-public/

Paul Van Blarcum, a Democrat who ran unopposed for sheriff last time around, apparently decided that calling his constituents to arms was a good way to ensure their safety after the latest American shooting, this time in California.

He's made me feel a helluva lot less safe.

I went to the UK a couple of months ago and was appalled to see how our country is viewed from the outside. We're the radical, gun-totin', wild-eyed Christian fundamentalists of the Western world.

A news report of the latest shooting from the UK started, "Just another day in America."







So here I am, faced with the knowledge that not only is my country far more in love with its guns than it is with its people (clearly - how many massacres does it take before we decide we've made getting a gun way too easy), but now I have to trust the safety of the ones I love to the tender mercies of my gun loving neighbors.

I don't feel safe at all. I feel downright threatened.

Nice timing, Sheriff.  When we're all preparing to go out holiday shopping, seeing movies in large groups, going out to eat.

Now I have to look around and wonder if I'm near a  trigger happy shootist who's been waiting for this call to arms for years - all he or she needs is someone to look threatening so they can do a little real life target practice.





The story's getting national play. The storm has just begun. And it all began in Ulster County, where the woods near Woodstock (remember Woodstock?) echo with the sound of gunshot - it's hunting season, after all.

Life is Life-y

There was a time when this photo was what people meant by family. Mom, Dad, six kids, aunts, uncles, cousins, grandparents, and assorted strangers who came to stay and never left.

That was how I saw my mom's family. Most of them are in Indiana and as far as I know, there's still a massive family reunion each July 4th at the family farm.  Just one of my cousins has a dozen children, so I imagine it's a pretty overwhelming clan.

That was how I saw my dad's family. They were a close knit group of four siblings - my grandmother, her brother and two sisters - and they spent every single summer together in a little farmhouse in upstate New York. The cousins grew up like brothers and sisters. Even some of the cousins of my generation are that close.

I'm an outsider in both groups, comfortable on the fringes. I was an only child and my mother was separated from her family by geography while my father kept a distance from his family by temperament. I have loved them all, but at arm's length.

Yet I have my own extended family. There comes a time when all of us have to widen that definition.

For us, it's kids and parents.  My son stayed with us a few summers ago when life was weighing heavily on him and he needed some time to be a kid again. He made the most of that hiatus and roared back into life with all engines firing.

KB's son stayed with us for a short time, too. He had some family issues to sort out and needed a little space to do it. He did, and he's back to his life.

Now KB's mother is here just for a few days, recuperating after a serious hospitalization and not yet ready to go home. We're sharing hosting duties with his sister, and it's an opportunity for everyone to get to know each other better, to talk openly, to maybe be a little better than we were before as a group.

Here's the funny thing - they're all family. And not by blood or even marriage. 

KB and I are family. We chose not to get married; we've done that, we don't choose to do it again. So his family is not technically my family. But I find myself being treated like family and behaving like family. It's okay.

My son isn't related to KB. But KB has treated him like family, welcomed him, welcomed my daughter, welcomed their significant others.

One of my dearest friends is my wonderful former father-in-law's second wife. She's no blood relation to any of us. But she has been a magnificent grandmother to my children and the best mother-in-law anyone can ask for.

Since my mother's death, she is the closest thing I have to a mother.

None of us is an individual living together in a vaccuum.  We accept the friends and families we bring along and understand the obligations that may mean.  We accept it with as much grace as we can muster and we do the best we can because that is what decent human beings do for each other.

I aspire above all things to be a decent human being. I think it's the one thing we owe the world in exchange for the space we occupy.

Switching Gears

I am no less concerned about where our society is heading - but paying the bills has to take first place. So Everyday People have to wait for a bit while I focus on my business. If you want to keep up with me, follow my other blog at Adventures of a Catskills House Junkie. I promise it isn't just about real estate - it's a chance to share what I see as I drive around viewing and showing houses.

I'm fortunate to live in a gorgeous area - New York's Catskills and Hudson Valley offer a treat for the eyes at every turn.

So come on along for the ride. I'd enjoy the company.

Susan

Strangled By Red Tape - Our Journey to Insurance

Permit me to step from behind the notebook  and offer my personal experience. We've been slogging our way through the new health care marketplace, a fetid swamp of rotting bureaucracy populated by malicious trolls and frustrated angels.  The shining goal keeps us dragging ourselves forward. There it is, so bright, so beautiful, just beyond our grasp: health insurance!

I have been uninsured for two years. It was the first time in my life I've had no insurance and it's been scary. I left a state job with a great salary and great benefits to become a freelance writer. It's a long story but bottom line was I had to choose between my wallet and my health. I decided it was better to be poor and not sick. I made the right choice. You won't be surprised to hear that it wasn't long before I had to add another job, but real estate sales doesn't offer insurance either. So here I am, mid-fifties, in great health, but one broken leg or scary diagnosis away from financial disaster.

I looked into insurance. Of course I did - I'm a responsible adult. The cheapest insurance I could find was a terrible plan with high deductibles that was going to cost me a thousand dollars a month. I just didn't have a spare thousand lying around every month. So that meant going without and keeping my fingers crossed that I didn't get sick.

In case you're wondering, no, I couldn't be on my partner's insurance.

My partner is a musician. He's been one all his life. And musicians don't have health insurance unless they buy it themselves.  And the cost was exorbitant.

So the prospect of a government-regulated healthcare marketplace sounded like a great thing to both of us. We got on that website and got ready to enroll.

I actually didn't find the website to be that bad - the federal site directed me to the New York Healthcare Marketplace, where I answered all their questions and got to the point where I could choose a plan. Then I stalled.  I hadn't heard of most of the companies and the options chased each other around in my brain without pausing long enough for me to understand what they were.  So I waited for the smart one in our family to get involved so he could explain it to me.

What followed were two solid weeks of angry howls from his office.  Each day was the same: get on the phone and call the number to which the marketplace directed him. Hold for an hour or more. Finally reach a human and ask simple questions. Get the answers, then call the next number for the next step. Wait another hour or more. Begin the next step, then discover the first answers were wrong. Go back to step one.  Some days, rather than getting the wrong answer, he'd be told that they just didn't know the answer.

He's not a terribly patient man on the best days, but this experience sent him way over the edge. Some of the things he yelled after he hung up the phone were concepts I didn't even know were possible. On the plus side, I've learned a lot of new combinations of colorful exclamations. 

"I'm drained," he told me more than once. "This is the most exhausting thing I've ever done. And I'm getting nowhere."

Chasing your tail will wear you out.

I'd love to conclude this with a happy picture of us both holding our insurance cards. I may yet get to add that to this post. For now, I can tell you that I have been approved, I chose a plan, and I'm waiting to hear about the next step. I'm told that will happen in January. 

The best rate I could find was about $350 for a bronze plan - nothing special, but it's insurance. I just read a New York Times article where they discussed the cost of the health insurance under so-called Obamacare, and they maintained that a silver plan (that's better than bronze, you know) was about $300 or so for the average middle to lower income person. That's not my experience. If you can tell me where that plan is, please let me know.

But I'm not complaining. Bad insurance beats no insurance and $350 is a whole lot better than $1000 a month.

My exhausted partner? He's also supposedly signed up, but he has his doubts. He suspects it's been screwed up.

We're thinking it might be simpler to move to the UK.

Sari Botton

 

Sari Botton October 2013

Ever since I've known Sari, she's had a million jobs, all of them related to writing. She writes for the New York Times. She ghost writes books. She's edited story collections (one of them, “Goodbye To All That,” a collection of writers' essays about loving and leaving New York City, is currently selling briskly). She is a co-founder and editorial director of The TMI Project, a non-profit dedicated to helping people write (and sometimes perform or publish) their stories. But I wondered – were these varied projects hers by choice, or by necessity?

I like being freelance. That's my nature. I like to have a few balls in the air. But I've had to have more balls in the air than I want because of the economy. I'm just going to confess: I just barely get by. And I do so much hard work. I have a two thirds time job as editorial director of The TMI Project. I've edited two anthologies this year and I've done a bunch of ghost writing, too, on top of it. I'm currently deeply editing someone's book, and with all of that, I don't know if I'll ever get in front of the eight ball.

Her husband is self-employed, too, so neither of them has a steady income they can count on.

We're both up in the air. This year his New York City gig ended. We've been in upstate New York for eight years and for most of that time he commuted two days a week to Rockefeller Center and a couple of other locations to do IT for law firms. But it just stopped making sense so it wound down and it's done, and he's now trying to figure out how to make this (his storefront computer repair business) work and support him. At the moment we're just eking by, even though we're so busy. Trying to find that balance of how much you can pay people, how much you can charge people, how many people you can have working at once. It's a real challenge. So both of us at the same time are in a financially challenged place and it's very, very stressful.

We've toyed with renting out a part of our house. I mean, how do you stay afloat in this economy? 

One point this year we almost rented out our whole house, but we weren't ready for that. So what are the other ways you can stay afloat? Plus I think back in 2005 when we bought our house, a lot of people were going with that rule of thumb “Buy the most house you can afford.” And now we're stuck with a lot of house and not a lot of ability to afford it. And I don't think that people are buying the big houses that they were and we're kind of kicking ourselves, wishing we'd bought something that was an income property, or was smaller....it's a tough time. It's a really tough time.

And it's expensive to live in New York, even upstate.

That's the surprising thing. People come up from NYC to visit and they think it's really cheap here and it's not. We're finding it's not much cheaper: we had low rent in New York and when it got tripled we had to leave. You pay for heating oil which you don't when you rent an apartment in New York City. You need not one car but two – because it's really important to be able to get around. The hidden expenses are just astounding. When we sit down and add it up, we find it's not really much cheaper to live here. And taxes, too – car repairs, house repairs. We have a bunch of credit card debt because we got caught by car repair bills at a time when Brian and I are both struggling.

What about health care?

Oh that, too! We have insurance through the Freelancers Union. But it's not great, though it's good to have. We each have a $3000 deductible and a high prescription deductible. A couple of years ago I was an adjunct at SUNY Albany, mainly so I could get really great insurance. I hada major operation and our bill was only $71! But my entire salary was going to gas and tolls, so no matter how I try to balance I'm always behind the eight ball.

I was also marveling - it's really true that we are the first generation that will have less than our parents. I can't imagine a day when we'll be able to afford to retire. Can you?

No. I've totally given that up.

We're considering liquidating what little IRA's we do have if things don't work out in the next few months. We were feeling ashamed and scared and then we talked to our friends and they're in exactly the same boat. We have friends who have already liquidated our IRAs. We don't have any money in it, anyway. And we don't even have kids! How do people do it if they have kids? I don't know how people do it today.

The cost of living keeps going up and what I do as a writer and editor keeps getting de-valued. The money I am offered for ghostwriting projects gets smaller and smaller because more and more journalists are doing it;  you can't make any money at journalism anymore. 

Has this ever happened in history before? Where the cost of living goes up but not wages? Don't they usually go hand in hand?

Doesn't it feel like we're at this huge shift? And I don't know where it's going.

Unfortunately,it feels like something awful has to happen – where everything breaks down so we have to start over again. Some awful storm so no one can pay their mortgages -it's going to take something that will make the people with the money suffer. They're not going to want anything to change. There are no penalties for the banks because they're too big to fail. Unfortunately, it feels like something that could make them fail has to happen so that they are at the table with us.