Peace of Mind

Something's clicked. I don't promise it'll hang around, but it's great for now.
Everything's okay with me.

That's a huge statement coming from an award-winning worrier. If worrying was an Olympic event, I'd have medaled every year since I was a kid.

So what's changed? Damned if I know. But suddenly I've just clicked into "chill" mode and everything that's swirling around me seems like no big deal - all just part of being alive and all small stuff in the big picture.

Money? It'll work out. The future? Who can say? It's okay now. My kids? They've got their worries and their concerns and I'm doing what I can to help, but they'll find their way. Selling the house? It'll work out. Moving into a different place that we like as well or better? We'll figure it out. All my aging relatives and their increasingly scary ailments? It's part of life. We'll be okay. My own future? I've done what I can to make it what I'd like and I'll continue to, the rest is kinda out of my hands.

I have a birthday coming up. The big Five Three. And maybe this is the Universe's gift to me - a break in my constant what-iffing, furrowed browing and restless nights. If that's the case, that's a great present. Thank you very much.

My guy, a stellar human being, is throwing a birthday party for me. I haven't had one in a gazillion years. I think this is going to be a terrific birthday. And I'm going to hang on to this serenity with a relaxed grip and enjoy every second of it.

I deserve it. We all do. So maybe for my birthday I get to wish that for you, too.



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Quantum Physics and Vegan Cookbooks

I almost forgot ... I'm supposed to be having fun!

It all came back to me today. In my compulsive need to be ahead of schedule, the current understaffed nature of The Station is making me feel the need to get my work done hours ahead of time. Two stories a day used to be a full day's work. Lately I'm getting those done by halfway through the day, skipping lunch and continuing to work on The Show.

I stand up at the end of the day, wonder at my tense shoulders and aching back and drag myself home. I'm a ton of fun, let me tell you.

But that shifted today. I did my usual overdrive morning, got two stories put together hours before they were needed, then started surfing the Internet. It wasn't casual surfing; I was looking for new ideas for The Show. But today I looked at what I was curious about...not whatever idea seemed feasible and easy to find guests for.

I started with cookbooks. I have been trying to drop animal products from my diet with limited success for months now. And HSO's various aches, ailments and general discomforts make it clear he's due for a dietary upgrade as well. So I looked for a vegan cookbook that looked not only fun, but tasty and within the cooking abilities of a regular kitchen shlump (that would be me). I found Vegan With a Vengeance. It's called post-punk cooking and I loved it on sight.
So I wrote to the author. And wouldn't you know it - she's going to be in my very own neighborhood within a month or two so I can talk to her in person. Yippee!

I moved on to quantum physics. I'm a closet nerd - or maybe the closet isn't as tightly shut as I think. I've read Chaos. I've waded through The Dancing Wu-Li Masters. I've read Ramtha and Seth, navigated The Tao of Physics : I've seen Mindwalk and What the Bleep Do We Know? I know just enough to know I don't know anything. I want to find someone who does.

I discovered that the guy who became rich with the invention of the Blackberry used a good chunk of his profits to establish an institute in Canada to study quantum physics. Oh this is fun. I checked them out and there are a few women there...I faxed them to see if they'd talk to me. The institute doesn't have an email contact. Interesting, no?

My daughter dropped in, we went out and had a bite to eat (I had seitan, if you're checking
on me) and I realized I was having the best day at work I've had in ages.

Time to relax, I think. It's all in how I approach it...and I know that. I just have to remember not to forget.